


like autumn leaves, we fall

by ZainBAP



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coffee Shops, Fluff, M/M, studying together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2019-07-06 23:13:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15896085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZainBAP/pseuds/ZainBAP
Summary: The guy sitting behind the desk doesn’t look much older than himself, and Daehyun’s steps can’t help but falter a little. Because he’s definitely not dressed to impress today — or groomed, for that matter — and the universe must truly hate him this week, because the guy isattractive. At least, what little Daehyun can see, the way he’s got his head bowed down over a book. He’s wearing glasses, the big and round kind, and Daehyun used to think they looked ridiculous, but this dude is proving him wrong.(BangDae college/university AU)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a drabble series over on [my tumblr](http://zainbap.tumblr.com/post/177845688624/like-autumn-leaves-we-fall-bangdae) inspired by my own life at uni. I'd say after the first two parts it starts to feel more like proper chapters. I would go back and edit them, but I ain't got the time or energy.
> 
> I don't have a beta. I'm sorry for the inevitable mistakes.

[masterpost](http://zainbap.tumblr.com/post/177845688624/like-autumn-leaves-we-fall-bangdae) • [tumblr](http://zainbap.tumblr.com/) • [soundtrack](https://youtu.be/xLuBFPYbgVA)

part one

 

 

It’s Saturday afternoon, and while most students in the area are still sleeping off all the booze from last night, Daehyun is stumbling off the bus and running towards the campus library.

 _One week_ , he thinks to himself. It’s only been one week, and he already feels stretched too thin. He slept badly even before he started college, didn’t think it could get any worse, but he’d been wrong. He’s been living on the average two hours per night throughout the week. He’d been looking forward to spend most of his first weekend in bed, until he woke up with a start this morning, realizing he doesn’t have the course book they’re supposed to have read before Monday’s morning class.

He expects to find the department as busy and crowded as is usually is, but the place is shockingly quiet. Daehyun nearly holds his breath the moment he steps out of the revolving door, the sound of his pounding heart seeming so incredibly loud to his own ears. There are students scattered around the tables and couches, but no one lifts their head to look at him entering. They seem to be in their own world, focused on their work. Thank god.

Collecting himself a little, Daehyun takes a new breath and straightens up. He runs a hand through his morning hair, even though it’s a condemned mess, and rearranges the bag strap that’s about to fall off his shoulder. He glances up at the clock, noting that the library will close in less than three hours.

Daehyun doesn’t even attempt to look for the book on his own — he’s never been good at orientating himself in libraries, and he doesn’t want to waste more time. He heads straight for the desk, digging in his pocket for the piece of paper he’d scribbled down the title and ISBN number.

The guy sitting behind the desk doesn’t look much older than himself, and Daehyun’s steps can’t help but falter a little. Because he’s definitely not dressed to impress today — or groomed, for that matter — and the universe must truly hate him this week, because the guy is  _attractive_. At least, what little Daehyun can see, the way he’s got his head bowed down over a book. He’s wearing glasses, the big and round kind, and Daehyun used to think they looked ridiculous, but this dude is proving him wrong.

When Daehyun approaches the desk, the guy looks up from his book and meets Daehyun’s gaze with a friendly smile. He straightens up a little.

“Hi,” he says, in an incredibly deep voice.

“Hey,” Daehyun breathes out, planting his hands on top of the desk. “I really need to borrow a course book. I’ve ordered it online already, but it hasn’t arrived yet, and I need it before class on Monday.” He holds out the piece of paper. “This one. I'm— Please say you still got a copy.”

“Let me check,” the guy says.

He takes the note from Daehyun’s hand before turning to his computer. He pushes his glasses further up his nose with his forefinger, before typing in the title in the search field.

Daehyun waits patiently, expecting the worst. He knows he’s late, knows he should’ve tried borrowed the book as soon as they got the assignment. But he’s so new to how these things work, to have this level of responsibility, and he’d allowed himself to relax knowing he’d ordered his books online. It didn’t even occur to him how long the shipping would take.

He’s an idiot. Daehyun wants to slap himself.

The guy frowns at his screen, and the way his nose scrunches up is ridiculously cute. For a moment, Daehyun forgets about his academic crisis and just appreciates the cute guy he probably never would’ve met if he hadn’t gotten himself in this situation.

“There’s none left to lend you, unfortunately,” the guy says. Daehyun is just about to panic when he continues. “But we still have one copy for reference. You can’t take it home with you, but you can read it here in the library.” His eyes quickly dart over Daehyun. “Do you… got what you need to finish your assignment here? We’re closing in a few hours, but… there’s still time.”

Daehyun blinks, torn between feeling disappointed and utterly relieved. He hurries to mentally check off a list of things he brought with him.

“Yes,” he hurries to say. “Thank you. Shit,  _thank you_. That’s fine. That’s great.”

The guy chuckles a little, a wheezy kind of sound, and Daehyun is surprised by the contrast from his otherwise baritone voice.

“Okay,” he guy says, moving to ‘round the desk. “I’ll show you the shelf.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” Daehyun tells him, following him through the bookcases. “Really. I thought I was done for. And it’s only my first week.”

The guy chuckles again, but doesn’t respond. Daehyun decides it’s time to shut up. He absently wonders just how many students like him a librarian has to deal with on a weekly basis.

“Here.”

He stops and picks a book from the top shelf, marked with blue tape, and hands it to Daehyun. They’re closer now, and for the first time Daehyun notices the name tag on the man’s chest. Yongguk. He hurries to raise his gaze again, feeling awkward when noticing the amused smile in the corner of Yongguk’s mouth.

“Thank you,” he says again, holding tightly to the book. “I’ll be quick.”

“You can keep it until we close,” Yongguk says, shrugging. But he’s still smiling. “Unless one of your classmates come to fight you for it, of course.”

Daehyun’s shoulders sag.

“I’m pretty sure none of them are as late as I am,” he mutters.

He expects Yongguk to just chuckle and return to his desk again, but he tilts his head to the side. Regarding him for a second, and it makes Daehyun’s heart jolt.

“You really shouldn’t be stressing out this much the very first week,” he comments.

“Easier said than done,” Daehyun sighs. “Honestly, it’s just bad planning. Totally my fault. It’s not like we’re drowning in assignments or anything. I’m just—”

He doesn’t know how to finish the sentence, doesn’t know why the hell he’s talking about this with the librarian. He feels heat starting to rise to his face, embarrassed by the thought of anyone else sitting by the tables on the other side of the shelves, hearing him. Judging him.

Yongguk doesn’t look like he’s judging him, though. He looks downright  _concerned_.

“You’ll be okay,” he says after a moment. “You still got time.”

Daehyun nods, keeping his mouth shut. He’s done complaining to a stranger.

Yongguk offers a weak smile before he nods and starts to head back the way they came, brushing past Daehyun as he does so.

“I’ll be at the front desk if you need any more help,” he says.

Daehyun nods again, even though Yongguk can’t see it.

He finds an unoccupied table in the corner of the library, and makes himself at home. He wishes he’d brought snacks or at least a water bottle with him, seeing as he’ll be here for a while. There’s still a hint of panic raging in his gut, knowing he’s on a timer, but he tries not to think about it. He flips his notebook open and turns his phone off, forbidding himself to waste time.

 _I’ll be okay_ , he tells himself.  _I can do this_.

 

 

 

With his phone turned off, and no clock within his line of sight, Daehyun has no perception of time. He only knows he’s filled several pages in his notebook by the time Yongguk comes walking up to him.

“Fuck,” he whines. “Has it been three hours already? Are you closing?”

“Oh, no,” Yongguk hurries to reassure him. Daehyun first then notices the glass of water in his hands. “No, I was just— Do you want some water? You… looked like you might need it.”

Daehyun blinks.

“Oh. Thank you. I'm— Yeah, I forgot to bring anything. Too busy just bringing myself,” he mumbles, running a hand through his hair again. Feeling self-conscious. “Thank you, really.”

Yongguk puts the glass down, giving him a small smile. He turns around and leaves, and Daehyun can’t help but feel disappointed. He sighs, takes a big sip water, and returns his attention to his work.

 

 

 

When he’s about halfway through the chapters he’s supposed to be reading, Yongguk shows up again. He isn’t carrying anything this time, but simply points to the chair opposite of Daehyun.

“Mind if I sit?”

Daehyun opens his mouth, hesitating. He hates his life.

“No offence, dude,” he says slowly. “But I’m 99% sure you’ll distract me if you sit there.”

Yongguk chuckles again, and the sound makes something stir inside Daehyun’s belly. He doesn’t look offended at all.

“I just thought I could help you out.” He nods toward the book he’d handed Daehyun earlier. “We read it in my first year, too.”

Daehyun blinks, processing the facts he’s been given.

“What’s your major?”

“Education,” Yongguk replies. “I’m in my third year. My roommate graduated last year, so I decided to get a part-time job this semester to help with the rent,” he explains, shrugging with one shoulder as if to gesture to the library in general.

“Oh,” Daehyun says dumbly. Not sure what else to say.

Yongguk is still smiling faintly.

“If you’d rather do it by yourself, I get it. I just thought I’d offer to help you out.” He seems to hesitate. “You seem to be dealing with some anxiety, and I know what that’s like. So.”

Daehyun swallows, moved by how friendly and kind Yongguk is being. This first week has been heavy on him, both physically and mentally. He hasn’t really bonded with any of his classmates yet, and he’s still feeling lost in the big city after only moving here three days before his classes started. It’s a lot of things to adapt to, and while no one has given him a hard time, exactly, neither has anyone truly offered a helping hand the way Yongguk is doing right now.

“I- Thank you,” Daehyun says again, around the sudden lump in his throat. He must sound like a broken record, but there’s really nothing else to say. “You're… so nice.”

Yongguk’s smile grows to the point where Daehyun sees a flash of teeth and gums, before he goes to sit on the chair he’d pointed at earlier.

“It’s no problem,” he says simply.

He puts his elbows on the table, leaning forward a little. And it’s just enough for the corner of a tattoo to peek out from the collar of his shirt, and Daehyun hurries to tear his eyes away.

If Yongguk notices, he doesn’t seem to care.

 

 

 

When Daehyun drops the book back on the table, letting it fall closed, it’s barely twenty minutes till closing time. He groans both in victory and annoyance. But he’s  _done_. He managed to do it. He won’t be falling behind entering his second week of college.

“Thank fuck,” he mutters, leaning back in his chair. “Oh my god. This was  _so_  not how I pictured myself spending my Saturday.”

Yongguk chuckles across the table, mirroring his pose. Since joining Daehyun by the table, he’s only had to run back to the front desk three times, but he’s always come back. Daehyun hadn’t really expect him to. It all went smoother, once he had someone else to discuss with. He has a tendency to lose himself in his thoughts, and focusing on Yongguk and the chapter they were discussing, helped.

“Let me guess,” Yongguk says, smirking. “You’d rather be out partying.”

Daehyun can’t help but snort.

“No, dude. I’d rather be lying in bed, stuffing my face with a bag of chips.”

Yongguk laughs at that, and it’s just as wheezy as his chuckles. Daehyun feels himself grin at the sound of it, feeling overwhelmed and proud that  _he’s_  the one who made Yongguk laugh like that.

“Actually,” he comments, once he’s calmed down, “that doesn’t sound too bad.”

He sighs, and rises from his chair. Daehyun hurries to pack his things and do the same, keeping the course book in his hand.

Yongguk walks with him to the shelf to put it back, and then Daehyun follows him back to the front desk. The book Yongguk had been reading when Daehyun first came in is still there, neglected and forgotten.

“This sounds strange now,” Yongguk says, scratching the back of his neck. “But what’s your name?”

Daehyun is shocked for a moment, before remembering that he doesn’t got a name tag like Yongguk does. That despite the hours they’ve spent in each other’s presence, Yongguk doesn’t know what the hell his name is.

“Daehyun,” he replies, unable to stop himself from running angry fingers through his hair yet again.

“I’m Yongguk,” Yongguk replies, smiling softly.

“Yeah, I know,” Daehyun offers, nodding to his chest.

Yongguk rolls his eyes, scoffing. Daehyun’s heart does something ridiculous. He tightens his grip on his bag strap, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He knows he’s supposed to be leaving, to wave and tell Yongguk thank you one last time, but he can’t help but linger.

Most of the other students have gone home by now. All tables within Daehyun’s line of sight are empty. He knows he shouldn’t feel excited about that, about being left alone with Yongguk, but he can’t help it. Can’t help but feel  _hopeful_. He’s not even sure what he’s hoping for. Just.  _Something_.

But the silence stretches on for too long, and Daehyun starts to feel horribly awkward just standing there, so he swallows and nods to himself.

“Right. Okay. Thank you again, Yongguk.”

He backs away slowly. Yongguk is still smiling at him. He looks so soft, and Daehyun knows he’s screwed. Knows he’s gonna have a stupid crush on this guy for the rest of the semester, even if he never sees him again.

“Hope I’ll see you again,” Yongguk says. “And take care of yourself, Daehyun. Don’t stress too much.”

Daehyun ducks his head down, embarrassed.

“I’ll try not to,” he promises, and turns around before he backs into something.  _That_  would be awkward. “Okay. Bye.”

“See ya,” Yongguk calls after him.

Daehyun has to force himself  _not_  to look back as he heads for the bus stop, worried that Yongguk will see him do it. He doesn’t glance back at the building until he’s on the bus, finding an empty seat. The windows are too dark for him to make out anything past the vague shapes of the shelves.

He sighs, fishing up his phone and turning it back on. He’s got five waiting snaps waiting for him — whereas at least four are definitely of Mochi — and about twenty unread messages in the chat with Himchan and Jongup. There’s also one text from Youngjae, which he decides to read first.

_First rule of college: make your weekends count._

Daehyun hums to himself, thinking of the panic he’d felt when waking up a couple hours ago. He taps the screen to type out a reply.

_This one has been great so far._

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

[masterpost](http://zainbap.tumblr.com/post/177845688624/like-autumn-leaves-we-fall-bangdae) • [tumblr](http://zainbap.tumblr.com/) • [soundtrack](https://youtu.be/xLuBFPYbgVA)

part two

 

 

It takes three weeks until Daehyun sees Yongguk again.

He’s been to the library many times, both on weekdays and weekends, while stubbornly insisting to himself that he’s only there for school work, and  _not_  to catch a glimpse of the cute librarian. But there’s always someone else behind the desk—someone just as friendly and helpful, but not Yongguk. If Daehyun was more confident of a person, he might’ve asked about Yongguk’s schedule. As it is, he just feels awkward. For even caring. Yongguk has probably already forgotten about him.

Three weeks into the first semester, and he’s starting to get the hang on things. He’s learned to order books on time, gone to the library to borrow course books if deciding they’re not worth buying. He’s starting to figure out what system works best for him when taking notes during lectures, and how to best memorize things. He no longer wakes up with a knot in his stomach, nervous about going to class.

It’s another Saturday afternoon when Himchan comes to pick him up, and Daehyun would have complained if he hadn’t already promised that he wouldn’t. There’s a big festival all over town called Culture Night, with ongoing events, exhibitions and performances from early morning until late at night. It had caught Daehyun’s interest since he first heard of it, but he hadn’t known he’d be getting drunk with his classmates only the night before.

“You should’ve stayed at home,” Himchan says matter-of-factly once they’re in the car, trying to make their way downtown through the traffic. “You  _knew_  we were going out today.”

“It was the first proper party we had,” Daehyun says, hunched in his seat. He’s not hangover, exactly. Mostly he’s just worn-out. Tired. “I couldn’t  _not_  go. I need to get to know people.”

“And you think getting shitfaced together in a dark nightclub is how you get to know people? Because that’s such a good bonding experience?”

“You know what I mean.” Daehyun rolls his eyes. “That’s what you do in college, isn’t it?”

Himchan hums disapprovingly, but doesn’t push it.

“Where is this thing, anyway?” Daehyun asks a while later, when they drive past the central park where a big stage has been set up. He’s seen the whole city prepare for these events all week.

“On campus,” Himchan responds, making a right. “Close to your library, I think.”

Daehyun makes a face.

“You’re dragging me to campus on a Saturday.”

“Not my fault the reading is being held there, of all places,” Himchan counters. “Not Bbang’s either, for that matter. I think he’s relieved though. There won’t be as many people. Most are here, downtown.”

Daehyun hums, looking out the window at the big crowds of people moving about.

Himchan’s friend— _Bbang_ , as he keeps calling him—is the only reason they’re here. The guy is part of a group who are gonna read some of their self-written poetry as part of an event, and apparently Himchan had promised he’d come to show support.

“He’s really good, you know,” Himchan goes on. “And I don’t just mean that as a friend. You know there are national competitions for these things? He’s come really far in a lot of them.”

“Really?” Daehyun asks, intrigued.

Himchan nods, eyes on the road.

“You’ll see. I think you’ll like it. I wouldn’t have brought you otherwise.”

Upon arriving, they manage to find a parking spot only two blocks from Daehyun’s campus library. It feels strange walking past the building without going inside, without the weight of his school bag hanging off his shoulder.

A small stage is set up in the library garden, and Daehyun finds himself wondering what they would’ve done if it had been raining. Thankfully, the sky is a pretty blue with clouds only occasionally blocking out the sun. The summer is definitely drawing towards its end, but for now it’s still warm enough to not need a jacket.

There’s a crowd already gathered in front of the stage, taking up all of the set up chairs and nearby benches. There’s a woman standing on stage, reading from a stack of paper in her hands.

“Are we late?” Daehyun whispers, as he and Himchan find a spot to stand.

“A little, maybe,” Himchan admits in a sigh. “Bbang said we didn’t need to be here before four o'clock, though. I don’t think the poetry has started yet.”

Listening closer to the woman reading on stage, Daehyun thinks Himchan is right. It sounds like she’s reading a short story, or something out of a novel. He figures it must still her own work, however, and quickly gets invested in the story. So much that he’s almost disappointed when she wraps up, and everyone erupts in applauds.

“I can’t see him,” Himchan mutters, craning his neck.

Daehyun wouldn’t even know what to look for, so he keeps his attention on the stage as a man steps up to the microphone and confirms the end of novel reading, and start of the poetry.

Four people read before Himchan’s friend, and Daehyun thinks they’re alright. He’s read quite a few songs and poems in his life, so he’s no stranger to the genre.

When the fifth person stands up from his seat, and Himchan leans in to hiss  _“that’s him, that’s Bbang”_ into his ear, Daehyun’s heart skips.

Because. That’s Yongguk. The guy making his way onto stage with a small notebook in one hand, while pushing his glasses further up his nose with the other, is Yongguk The Librarian.

He just manages to keep his jaw from dropping, as he takes in the fact that Himchan’s long-time friend  _Bbang_  whom he’s never actually met, is the same person as the cute guy he met three weeks ago. He’s met the guy’s  _dog_ , for fuck’s sake, since Himchan is the occasional dog sitter. A tiny little poodle named Tigger, who’d been scared of Daehyun’s coughing once when he was sick. He knows this dude drinks until he calmly falls asleep, because Himchan got at least six stories about it.

Daehyun has to pull himself back to the present, not to lose himself in his thoughts going haywire with this new piece of information. He blinks, staring at Yongguk who picks up the mic from the small table, and only casts a quick glance over the crowd before lowering his gaze to his notebook. Daehyun recalls Himchan implying he doesn’t like speaking in front of too many people, and his heart does something ridiculous at the thought.

There’s no introduction, not even a mentioned title as some of the others had. Yongguk just brings the microphone to his lips, chin tilted down, and reads.

 _In this gray city,_  
_the air is stale and cold,_  
_contaminating the rotten brains and spines._

_I worry that I’ll walk this path,  
swayed by others words._

Daehyun feels something like a chill run down his spine, listening to the voice that is much lower than he remembered. Yongguk pauses in all the right places, empathizes words as well as single syllables in a way that makes the words feel  _more_  than they are, somehow. Like they’re not actual words Daehyun has ever heard before. His voice is deep but smooth, words rolling off his tongue in a way that seems effortless. Like he was made for this.

_You can’t put a price on my life,  
it’s a life that can’t be exchanged with anyone else’s._

_That innocent child has grown up.  
Now I’ll awaken this fearful society._

Daehyun swallows. While the previous readers’ poems had mainly been about unrequited love and the usual clichés, Yongguk’s isn’t. It’s about humanity, about power, about self-awareness and self-love. About overthrowing society, breaking patterns, and taking control of your life.

_Throw those stones at me,  
watch them hit me and fall to the ground._

_I’ll brush myself off,  
and fly once more._

_Up in the sky,  
I’ll be the bird that flies the highest._

_Until I reach the end of the blue ocean,  
I’ll fly._

Everyone claps their hands as he lowers the microphone, doing a shy little bow before passing on the mic to the next reader stepping up. For the first time since entering the stage, Yongguk lets his gaze sweep over the audience, and Daehyun’s heart jolts when his eyes find him and Himchan standing on the sidelines. He’s fairly sure he isn’t imagining the pause in Yongguk’s movements, before he looks back down and goes to take his appointed seat again.

“We’ll catch him afterwards,” Himchan mumbles, probably thinking his friend had only recognized  _him_ , and not the stranger standing next to him.

Daehyun just hums in return, trying to come up with something to say. Some way to explain, what just happened, but he  _can’t_. Instead he stays perfectly silent for the rest of the reading, his gaze flickering between the person on stage and the back of Yongguk’s head.

Afterwards, when people are standing up from their chairs and the stage is cleared, Himchan grabs Daehyun’s shoulder and drags him along through the crowd to where Yongguk has barely risen from his chair. His gaze finds them as soon as he turns around, and Daehyun swallows harshly as he tries not to look like a deer in headlights. At least he’s not looking quite like the mess he’d done last time.

“Bbang!” Himchan exclaims once they reach him, letting go of Daehyun to pull Yongguk into a quick hug. Daehyun blinks, because it looks so surreal. Like two very different parts of his life, meeting. Except that’s unfair, considering the two of them already knew each other without his involvement.

“Wasn’t sure you’d show up,” Yongguk says, smiling, as he claps Himchan’s back.

“Hey, I promised, didn’t I?” Himchan reminds him, sounding offended.

Yongguk huffs, stepping back from the hug. Then he looks to Daehyun, who’s just about to open his mouth and try come up with something to say, to both of them, but Yongguk beats him to it.

“Daehyun.” He’s got that calm little smile resting on his lips, and Daehyun had forgotten how much he liked it. “I’ve been thinking about you, wondering how you’re doing.”

“Wait,” Himchan cuts in, alarmed, gesturing between them. “You’ve met?”

Before Daehyun has the chance to stammer a reply, Yongguk cocks an eyebrow at Himchan.

“I’m the librarian, remember?”

“Oh,” Himchan drawls, before turning to glare at Daehyun. “You didn’t plan on  _telling_  me this?”

“You only called him  _Bbang_ ,” Daehyun points out, refusing to be made fun of. “How was I supposed to know who he was?”

Yongguk chuckles, and Himchan snorts and rolls his eyes as if to say  _touché_.

“How did the assignment go?” Yongguk asks, nudging Daehyun with his elbow.

“Great,” Daehyun breathes out. “Thanks, again. And that was—” He hurries to gesture at the stage. “You were great.”

“Ah,” Yongguk sighs, frowning if he disapproves. “Not my best piece. You… like poetry?”

“Some,” Daehyun nods. “I’ve read a lot, both through school and… not. I read a lot of stuff.”

“Oh, right. You’re analyzing texts in class right now, aren’t you?”

Daehyun smiles, nodding.

“Yeah.”

“I remember that. In our first year. Do you like it?”

“It’s interesting,” Daehyun says, meaning it. “Those poems are different from what you did, though.”

Yongguk smiles, looking like he’s about so say something else, when Himchan checks his phone.

“Ah, shit. Sorry, Bbang, but I gotta go. Jongup’s got a dance performance downtown. I promised him dinner afterwards.”

Daehyun blinks at him.

“You promised  _me_  dinner,” he points out, unable to keep pout out of his voice. “You’re the one who dragged me out here. Were you just gonna dump me?”

“You can come?” Himchan suggests, clearly not seeing the problem. “You know Jongup. We’ll all go out for dinner with his dance team afterwards.”

Daehyun grimaces internally. He knows Himchan doesn’t mean to be cruel, but the guy has always had a hard time trying to see things from someone else’s perspective. To Himchan, meeting new people and be surrounded by strangers is never a bad thing. To Daehyun, that’s something that takes a lot of energy. Something he definitely doesn’t have today.

“Um,” Yongguk says, drawing both their attention. He looks at Daehyun. “I don’t know if it’s your thing, but… I’m going to an art exhibition a few blocks from here. You can tag along, if you want?”

Daehyun blinks, the butterflies in his belly stirring.

“Yeah. Sure,” he says. “I’d like that.”

Himchan huffs, rolling his eyes.

“Great,” he says, waving a hand at them as he walks off. “I’ll see you culture freaks later.”

They both snort, watching him go. Daehyun feels his heart skip a beat, finding himself alone with Yongguk—this time for complete other reasons than back at the library. He dares a glance, and finds the man already watching him, smiling warmly. He looks so good, his hair slightly messy from the wind, and Daehyun wishes he could card his fingers through it.

“Art exhibition?” He asks instead.

Yongguk nods, turning to his left and looking over his shoulder as if making sure Daehyun follows.

He does.

They barely talk as they walk the three blocks, but Daehyun figures it’s fine. He’s not sure what to say, anyway. Once they arrive at the gallery, however, he feels awkward. As Yongguk starts walking around the room, looking at the paintings, he feels unsure whether he should tail after him or not. If they’re truly there  _together_ , or if Yongguk expects him to entertain himself, now once they’re there.

But as he experimentally draws away, Yongguk is quick to follow him. It makes Daehyun’s heart flutter happily, and he has to fight the grin wanting to spread on his face.

“If you like art so much,” he murmurs, meeting Yongguk’s gaze as they stop in front of a big portrait. “Why do you want to be a teacher?”

“Because I love kids,” Yongguk responds easily. “And as an English major, I will still be teaching them reading and writing. I’ll still be able to dive into what I love. Maybe not this kind of art,” he adds, nodding at the painting in front of them, “but that’s okay.”

“But the things you write,” Daehyun says. “The poems. You don’t wanna… I don’t know, do something with that? Some kind of career?”

Yongguk smiles, tilting his head to the side and observing him for a moment.

“I’d like to continue, writing and performing,” he says. “But I don’t need to make it my job.”

Daehyun nods after a moment, figuring it makes sense. Yongguk doesn’t stop watching him, though.

“Why do  _you_  want to be an English teacher?” He asks.

“Because of the teachers I had,” Daehyun responds in a heartbeat. “How they impacted me. How they helped shaping me into what I am today. I… wanna do that to someone else.”

Yongguk’s smile stretches, and there’s a shine to his eyes that Daehyun can’t name.

“How they made you appreciate the power of words?”

Daehyun nods. Yongguk nods slowly in response, as he returns his gaze to the painting.

“That’s exactly why,” he says.

The air between them stays clear after that.  _Comfortable_. They slowly move through the gallery, discussing some of the art pieces before moving forward. Daehyun feels lacking when it comes to analyzing or taking in some of the more abstract pictures, but that’s okay. He listens closely to what Yongguk tells him, how he explains what he sees. Sometimes Daehyun agrees, sometimes not.

Yongguk seems to be in his element here. He looks the part, too, with his glasses and long coat. If Daehyun didn’t know better, he’d thought he was an art critic.

When they’ve been there for almost an hour, Yongguk checks the time and hums.

“You hungry?”

Daehyun nods quickly. Yongguk laughs, and it’s a kind sound. Just like everything else about him.

“Come,” he says, grinning. “I’ll show you a good place.”

 

 

 

At the diner, their conversation shifts from art and poetry to the library and school. It feels like they’re picking up where they left off three weeks ago, and Daehyun likes it a lot. Likes how Yongguk didn’t forget about him, or the things he’d said then.

“So did you move here just for college, or..?”

“Yeah,” Daehyun nods, making sure to swallow his chicken before elaborating. “I come from a really small town, so this is—” He gestures to nothing in particular, referring to the city in general. “All very new to me. It’s pretty overwhelming.”

“It takes some getting used to,” Yongguk agrees. “How do you know Himchan?”

“Took the same writing class, two years ago. Then he moved here with Jongup, because they both got accepted, and I moved in with Youngjae.”

Yongguk’s movement pauses for a split second.

“Boyfriend?”

“Oh,” Daehyun says, blinking. “No. Just friends. Best friends.”

Yongguk just nods. Daehyun knows he’s being silly for trying to read into the plain look on his face.

“Did he move with you?”

Daehyun shakes his head, swallowing another mouthful.

“No, he got accepted into another college. We didn’t wanna be like those friends or couples who follow each other around, you know? Just to stick together, rather than going where they really wanna go.” He slumps a little in his chair. “Would’ve been great if he’d come here, though. He could’ve gotten in anywhere, he’s got really good grades. But he didn’t want to move too far from his family.”

Yongguk studies him for a moment.

“And you?” He asks. “Did  _you_  wanna move so far from your family?”

Daehyun opens his mouth, but closes it again before answering.

“Not really,” he admits quietly. “That’s not why I applied here, to get away from them or anything. But…” Daehyun swallows. “I guess I just wanted a fresh start. It was about  _me_ , not my family.”

Yongguk hums, nodding slowly. Then a faint smile spreads across his lips, and Daehyun feels strangely comforted by it.  _Encouraged_.

“Your life should be about you,” he just says.

Daehyun doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just flashes a small smile in return before directing his attention to his food for a moment.

“That thing you said,” he mumbles a little later. Yongguk cocks and eyebrow at him in question, chewing on his own food. “About anxiety. I was just— You—?”

“Yeah,” Yongguk nods, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. “For my first two years here, it got really bad. I was too ambitious, didn’t know my limits. I took way too many classes. Didn’t sleep or eat enough.” He sighs, looking almost embarrassed about it. Daehyun wishes he wouldn’t. “When the panic attacks became a regular thing, I finally decided to change things. To get help.”

“What kind of help?” Daehyun carefully asks.

“Therapy,” Yongguk replies, easily. He doesn’t look ashamed about it, and Daehyun likes that a lot. Way too many people don’t like admitting these things. “I got help reducing my workload, and advice on how to sleep and eat better. Even took sleeping pills, for a while.”

Daehyun hums, nodding. It’s a little difficult, picturing the guy sitting across from him as anything but the zen man he is today. He’s got this really calm and peaceful aura, as if nothing could rile him up.

“But you feel better now?”

Yongguk smiles weakly, nodding.

“Much. I’m still… ambitious, I guess. But at least I know my limits now. And I usually notice when I’m about to lose my footing again. Early enough to prevent it from getting too bad.”

“That's… good,” Daehyun hums. “I'm… glad to know that’s possible.”

Yongguk tilts his head to the side.

“You okay?” He asks.

Daehyun blinks, a little startled by the question.

“Yeah. I’m just… overwhelmed,” he replies, nodding at himself. “I’m starting to get into it. I’ll be fine.”

Yongguk looks like he wants to object for a second, before pursing his lips and nodding, too.

“I’ll keep an eye on you,” he says then, a playful smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he looks back down at his food. “Make sure you don’t repeat my mistakes.”

Daehyun laughs, heart jolting in his chest.

 

 

 

It’s starting to get dark when they step back out on the street. Music can be heard from the stage down in the park, and there are lights and pretty decorations everywhere. Daehyun’s phone beeps, and he pulls it from his pocket to read a text message from Himchan.

“Himchan wants me to come down to the park,” Daehyun says, looking at Yongguk at his side.

The streetlights above them are casting shadows from his glasses. He smiles softly.

“You should go,” he says.

“You could come with me,” Daehyun suggests, heart fluttering.

Yongguk’s shoulders slump, and he shakes his head.

“I gotta get home. My dog can’t be left alone for too long.”

“Oh,” Daehyun says, trying to mask up his disappointment. “Tigger.”

Yongguk frowns for a moment, before he seems to remember that Himchan has been his dog sitter.

“Yeah,” he drawls. “It was easier to go out with people when I had my roommate, because he didn’t mind staying with him. But since he moved out, it’s been harder.”

Daehyun hums, trying not to overanalyze what exactly Yongguk means with  _‘go out with people’_. He probably just means hanging out with friends. At events. Whatever.

“Okay,” he says, not sure what else to. “I'll… see you later?”

Yongguk nods, smiling as he starts to back up. Heading in the opposite direction of the park.

“It was fun seeing you again.”

And then he turns and walks off, and Daehyun watches him go for a little too long.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos make me happy but comments are what keeps me going!


	3. Chapter 3

[masterpost](http://zainbap.tumblr.com/post/177845688624/like-autumn-leaves-we-fall-bangdae) • [tumblr](http://zainbap.tumblr.com/) • [soundtrack](https://youtu.be/xLuBFPYbgVA)

part three

 

 

Saturdays, for some reason, become their thing.

Less than one week after Culture Night, the knot in Daehyun’s stomach is back. Exams are on Monday, and he’s behind on his reading. It’s like the balance he thought he’d found was nothing but a lie. Like he survived the first wave of a tsunami, but didn’t expect the second one. He sleeps badly, some nights not at all. Sometimes he has to choose between eating and sleeping, and most of the time he prioritizes sleep. He’s losing momentum.

He’d made plans to study all weekend in preparation for Monday, but those are immediately crushed when his roommates decide to throw a party at the dorm Friday night. The sound of people yelling and stomping down the hallway wasn’t even drowned out by the loud music, and Daehyun quickly gave up trying to read in his room. If he hadn’t been so stressed out, he probably would’ve joined the party — he can be a very social person when he wants to be. But instead he’d put his headphones in and curled up under the covers, and eventually managed to fall asleep.

Saturday morning he’d woken up early, while everyone was still sleeping off the booze, and had gotten in a few hours studying. But even that went to shit eventually, when the rest of the house woke up and immediately started plotting for the follow-up party.

Daehyun had packed his bag and left.

It’s gone colder now, the chilly autumn air smelling of dry leaves and apples. It’s still sunny, most days, and it takes Daehyun a while before he learns not to get tricked by the blue sky. It looks almost like summer, but the temperature keeps changing. Sometimes he wears a jacket in the morning, but gets home with it slung over his shoulder. Some days he leaves the jacket at home, and spends the whole day shivering from the cold wind blowing straight through his clothes.

He only brought a hoodie with him today, and he already regrets it on the bus. But the library is warm, and he shudders a little as soon as he walks in. Then nearly stops dead in his tracks.

Because Yongguk is behind the front desk, raising his head. Their eyes meet, and Yongguk smiles. It feels different now, after meeting last weekend. After having a meal together.

Daehyun had planned to just go straight for the table in the corner and hide from the world, but of course he can’t do that now. He reluctantly approaches the desk.

“Somehow you’re only here when I don’t want you to be,” he mumbles.

Yongguk raises his eyebrows.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Daehyun says under his breath.

Yongguk studies him for a moment.

“I’m here every other Saturday,” he says then, as if Daehyun had asked.

“Oh.” Daehyun nods, feeling heat rise to his face. “Okay.”

Yongguk just smiles, but it quickly fades.

“Are you okay?”

Daehyun inhales and exhales loudly, making it sound like a big dramatic sigh.

“I feel like I’m going to explode,” he admits. “We have our first exam on Monday, and I’m not prepared, and I can’t study at the dorm because my roommates are partying like there’s no tomorrow.”

“Ah,” Yongguk drawls, brows furrowed in sympathy.

Daehyun just sighs, shrugging.

“So I’m just… gonna sit here and read. Until the library closes, at least.”

Yongguk nods slowly, looking like he wants to say something but doesn’t know what. Daehyun feels awkward for putting him in that position.  _Again_.

“Sorry,” he sighs, frustrated. “It’s like— Every time we run into each other, all I do is complain.”

Yongguk offers him a rueful smile.

“Hey, I get it. And it’s not your fault.”

Daehyun winces.

“I could’ve planned my reading better. I just— I fell behind. I should’ve noticed.”

“These things happen,” Yongguk tells him, voice firm.  _Convincing_. Daehyun’s heart flutters a little at the sound of it. “Especially in the beginning. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“No. Right,” Daehyun just agrees and nods curtly, not wanting to stand here and let Yongguk pity him anymore. “I’m just gonna get to work. I'll… be in the corner.”

He feels embarrassed, walking away to settle down at the table in the corner. Embarrassed about not knowing how to talk to Yongguk after hanging out last weekend. He probably should’ve said something else, something  _more_. But he’s feeling really low right now, and he hates that someone as well put together as Yongguk has to see him like this. He’d been so proud last week, when he thought he was starting to get the hang of it. Now he just feels like an idiot.

The next two hours till closing time drag by. Yongguk doesn’t leave his desk, to come talk to him, or offer him water, and Daehyun can’t decide whether he’s relieved or not. He gets a lot of reading done, and a good collection of organized notes scribbled down in his notebook.

It’s quiet, with only a handful other students spread out among the shelves. It’s peaceful, and Daehyun feels a lot better when packing up his things than he did when walking in.

He walks back to Yongguk’s desk when it’s just a few minutes till closing time, their eyes meeting instantly. Yongguk looks unsure how to greet him, and Daehyun doesn’t blame him. He offers a shy smile, and Yongguk quickly copies it.

“You got any work done?”

“Yeah,” Daehyun sighs. “Not as much as I would’ve liked, but.”

They glance at the clock at the same time. 4 PM. Daehyun thinks about how they’ve probably started drinking again back at the dorm already. Last night there had been a herd of guests arriving around this time. He sighs internally, racking his mind for ideas of where to go now. Maybe the central library further downtown. He’s pretty sure it’s open a couple more hours.

“Have you ever tried reading or writing in a coffee shop?”

Daehyun blinks, looking at Yongguk who’s eyeing him expectantly.

“No?” He says, making it sound like a question. “I… can’t imagine that being a good idea? With all the people and noise and… stuff.”

Yongguk shrugs, looking down briefly as he packs his own bag and grabs a set of keys from the desk.

“I do it a lot,” he says. “I think it’s nice. You sort of filter out the noise.”

He fumbles with the keys in his hands. If Daehyun didn’t know better, he’d say he looked nervous.

“There’s a nice place just around the corner,” he says finally. “I’m just heading there now, actually, to get some studying done. My sister’s got Tigger today, so.” He glances up, offering Daehyun a smile. “You wanna come with me?”

 

 

 

Daehyun hasn’t been to many coffee shops in his life, but the one Yongguk takes him to makes a warm, cozy feeling settle in his gut the moment he walks in. It smells of sugar, coffee, and cinnamon.

His stomach growls lowly when get to stand in line, spotting the baking goods next to the counter. Yongguk must have noticed, because he smiles, and Daehyun blushes darkly. He’s only had a small breakfast before leaving the dorm.

The barista greets Yongguk with a wide smile, and it quickly dawns on Daehyun that the two of them know each other. He glances at the name tag. Sungwon. He’s wearing a pink apron, which somehow goes really well with his pastel mint green hair. His bare arms are covered in colorful flower patterns, the tattoos reaching all the way down past his wrists. He seems like a happy guy, and while Daehyun usually feels awkward when talking to people across a counter, Sungwon makes him smile.

“You know, Bbang,” he says while pouring Yongguk his coffee. “You should bring friends with you more often. Human company, you know. It’s good for you.”

Yongguk huffs, seemingly embarrassed as he shakes his head. Daehyun watches the tip of his ears go pink. It’s really cute.

“I thought ‘Bbang’ was Himchan’s thing,” he points out, amused.

Sungwon laughs, carefree and loud.

“Honestly, I don’t remember who came up with it first,” the barista admits. He hands Yongguk his cup and starts making Daehyun’s vanilla latte. “But we’re all in on it. It’s too great not to be.”

Yongguk rolls his eyes. Daehyun can’t help but smile even wider. It feels special, to see Yongguk with friends that aren’t Himchan. To meet them when being in Yongguk’s company.

“Speaking of bread,” Sungwon continues when handing Daehyun his cup. “You want anything?”

He gestures to the pastry showcase next to him. Daehyun’s eyes immediately land on the strawberry cheesecake, but he shakes his head. He doesn’t like to eat sweats in front of people — especially not when he's the only one doing it. He’s not sure why, it just makes him feel insecure.

Yongguk shoots him a glance, and for a moment Daehyun expects him to protest, but he says nothing.

“Alright,” Sungwon says, grinning. “Good luck studying, you two.”

They thank him and step away from the counter, Daehyun following Yongguk over to a table next to the windows. Judging by how he made a direct beeline for it, Daehyun gets the feeling it’s Yongguk’s usual spot. He smiles at the thought.

“Is he a close friend of yours?” He asks as they sit down opposite each other.

Yongguk nods.

“Old friend.”

Daehyun hums, looking back to where Sungwon is greeting the next costumer with a grin just as blinding as the one he and Yongguk had received. He wonders if he knows this girl, too.

“He’s nice,” he says.

Yongguk is smiling at him when Daehyun looks back again, and it makes his heart flutter.

“Yeah, he’s great,” he agrees fondly.

He pauses for a moment, looking thoughtful, before adding:

“Sometimes I think about how two people can ruin each other’s day, without either of them meaning to. Without them being bad people. Maybe one of them was just having a really bad day, or maybe both of them did. Like… a person you run in to on the street, or a barista. If someone is acting bitter or rude, maybe they don’t mean to be. Maybe they’re not  _usually_  like that, they’re just dealing with some shit, but you don’t know that, because you only meet them for those few seconds of your life.”

He looks back at Sungwon behind the counter, who’s just handing the girl her latte.

“Sungwon gets that,” Yongguk hums. “I’ve seen a lot of retail and service workers who just… match their attitude with the costumer’s, which often just makes for an uncomfortable and awkward conversation. Sungwon doesn’t do that. He tries really hard to just… make someone’s day.” He shrugs, turning back to Daehyun. “I think it’s great.”

Daehyun blinks, surprised. He’s not sure what to say.

“Wow,” he says finally. “That's… an awfully great thought.”

Yongguk chuckles, looking somewhat embarrassed, but nods.

“Quiet people have the loudest minds.”

Daehyun arches an eyebrow over his cup, swallowing a big sip of hot coffee.

“Who said that?”

“Stephen Hawkins.”

Daehyun hums thoughtfully.

“Sounds like it fits you,” he says honestly.  _Carefully_. Hoping he’s not coming across as rude. “I’m not sure about me though. My mind is always loud, but I can  _be_  loud, too. When I’m excited or… among people I know.” He feels awkward saying it, awkward for pointing out that the two of them don’t  _really_ know each other. But Yongguk doesn’t look offended by the reminder. “I don’t think quotes like that should define you.”

Yongguk nods, looking thoughtful for a second.

“You’re right,” he says. The corner of his mouth twitches. “That’s a new quote to live by.”

Daehyun huffs.

“Write it down, so you don’t forget,” he jokes.

“I’m gonna print it out and put on my wall,” Yongguk assures him, grinning.

Daehyun laughs, and it’s as if something loosens up inside him. It feels good, to laugh. He can’t remember when he last did it properly. When feeling this comfortable, and not just doing it to fit in among his classmates while working on group projects or getting drunk at the bar.

He laughs when he’s with Himchan and Jongup, but he hasn’t had time to hang out with them properly in weeks. They’re both so busy, and have plenty of other friends from school. And Daehyun  _knew_  that, before moving here. He knew they wouldn’t be able to hang out with him every single day. But it still hurts, thinking about it. About how lonely he still feels, even after being here a month. He misses Youngjae. He misses being surrounded by people he knows and loves.

He feels a sudden lump form in his throat, and he swallows thickly around it. Yongguk seems to notice the change in him, because his grin goes stiff before it fades away.

“I’m sorry,” Daehyun says, before Yongguk can even ask. He looks back down at his coffee, circling the paper cup in his hands just to have something to do. “I’m a mess today.”

“That’s okay,” Yongguk says, voice gentle. Daehyun doesn’t trust himself to look back up, but he can imagine the kind look on Yongguk’s face. He  _always_  looks so kind. “Do you— Do you want me to go?”

Daehyun immediately shakes his head, finally lifting his head to meet Yongguk’s concerned gaze. His hates how fragile he feels.

“I skipped my first class this week,” he blurts out. “And I know that’s not… like, a huge deal or anything. But I’m just scared it’ll start a chain reaction or something. That I’m going to skip a lot of them, because I’m so tired. I’m  _always_  so tired. And hungry. And—”

 _Lonely_.

He shakes his head, pursing his lips.  _Here I go again_.

Yongguk’s expression only gets deeper with concern. But it doesn’t feel as condescending as Daehyun had expected it to. Maybe because he knows Yongguk struggled, too, a few years ago. Maybe because they’ve talked about this before, and it felt alright.

“I think you need to give yourself a break,” Yongguk says after a moment. His voice isn’t harsh, exactly, but it’s  _something_. Something that makes Daehyun listen. “You’re stressing yourself out when you don’t need to. Everyone will fall behind. Everyone will mess up. That doesn’t mean you’re screwed, or that you can’t find your footing again. It’s never too late, until you just give up.”

Daehyun nods, dropping his gaze back on the table again. He tries really hard to take it in, to believe that what Yongguk is saying is true.

“There’s a guy in my class who failed every single exam during his first semester,” Yongguk goes on. “Everyone thought he was gonna drop out and give up, himself included, but he didn’t. He just needed some time to find study methods that worked for him, and once he did, he caught up.”

Daehyun purses his lips, feeling a small spark of  _hope_  in his chest from hearing that. He lifts his gaze to meet Yongguk’s eyes again, offering a thankful smile.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, honestly.

Yongguk gives him a simple nod, smiling faintly.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve only been here a month. It’s not too late to catch up.”

Daehyun lets out a long breath, nodding to himself. Yongguk was right. He’s just… been so caught up in his own expectations. Everything is so new, so alien. But that doesn’t mean he’ll never get used to it. He just needs to learn how to find time for everything. Learn what routines work in this brand new life. And it’s overwhelming, realizing just what a change everything is, but he knows he can do it.

He  straightens his back a little and reaches for his bag.

“Okay, let’s get to work.”

 

 

 

As it turns out, Daehyun can study really well while sitting in a coffee shop. After only few minutes the sounds around him turn into a comfortable background noise, one that doesn’t distract him while reading paragraph after paragraph. He’s pulled out of his bubble every time he reaches for his coffee to take a sip, briefly observing Yongguk being equally immersed in his own books in front of him, but it’s easy to get back to it. He looks over to Sungwon a handful of times, and is always met by a grin.

It’s cozy and comfortable.

When Yongguk tells him the cafe is about to close, it’s several hours later, it’s way past sundown. It’s dark outside the window, and Daehyun really wishes he’d brought a jacket with him. They pack up their things, and throw away their empty cups.

Daehyun is starving, and he’s not looking forward to go back to the dorm, but he’s feeling at peace. He happily waves at Sungwon as they step out, promising to come back soon.

Once outside, Daehyun shoves his hands inside his pockets and bunches up his shoulders, as the cold wind blows straight through his hoodie.

“You better head home,” Yongguk tells him, his tone close to a chuckle.

Daehyun huffs, nodding.

“Yeah.” He looks down, awkwardly scraping his foot on the asphalt. “Thank you, for today,” he says, looking back up with a flush spreading on his cheeks. “You didn’t have to bring me along, but I had a really good time. So.”

Yongguk smiles brightly. He looks beautiful.

“I wanted to,” he says honestly. “And I’m glad if I could help, somehow.”

“You did,” Daehyun hurries to say, nodding. “Thank you. I’ll… remember what you said.”

Yongguk nods, still smiling. He opens his mouth, hesitating for a moment, before speaking again.

“If you want to, we could keep doing this. Meet here, I mean. And study. I do it almost every weekend. Usually Sundays, when I don’t have work.”

Daehyun’s heart skips a beat.

“I’d like that,” he says, almost squeaks.

Yongguk grins, ducking his head down a little as he nods. He’s got a beanie cover the tips of his ears, but Daehyun still pictures them going slightly pink like before.

“Alright. So. See you tomorrow? I’ll be here around noon.”

Daehyun nods, breath hitching.

“Sure. Yeah. I’ll be here.”

Yongguk gives him another gummy smile as he waves goodbye.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos make me happy but comments are what keeps me going!


	4. Chapter 4

[masterpost](http://zainbap.tumblr.com/post/177845688624/like-autumn-leaves-we-fall-bangdae) • [tumblr](http://zainbap.tumblr.com/) • [soundtrack](https://youtu.be/xLuBFPYbgVA)

part four

 

 

It's Sunday, and Daehyun jumps onto his bike a _little_ too late to reach the coffee shop in time. Not that it'll be the first time he's late — had overslept once, got stuck in a conversation with some neighbors another — but he always feels bad about it.

Yongguk is _never_ late, always first on the scene. He claims their usual spot and spreads out his things on his half of the table, looking up from his books and notes to greet Daehyun with a warm smile when he arrives. Sometimes he's even ordered their drinks before Daehyun gets there, Daehyun's latte waiting for him when he slides into the booth. They've been doing this for a few weeks now, long enough to learn each other's coffee order. Yongguk always brushes off his apologies, that kind smile never failing to reassure him.

Daehyun doesn't deserve him.

First they had only agreed to meet every Sunday, not seeing each other much for the rest of the week other than in passing by the library, but after they exchanged numbers Yongguk had started inviting him to the coffee shop to study random days of the week. Daehyun had been thrilled, obviously, and always made his best to make it. Most of his classes ended in the early afternoon, and he doesn't mind staying downtown with Yongguk for the rest of the day before going back to the dorm.

He dares say they kind of know each other now, balancing on that line between acquaintances and new friends. It's exciting, and while Daehyun has finally made some real progress in bonding with his own classmates, he cherishes the growing friendship with Yongguk above all else.

He's still waiting for that initial crush to go away, for his heart to stop flip-flopping every time Yongguk smiles at him, but it doesn't happen. If anything, it's just getting _worse_ the more time they spend together, sitting across from one another at a table in a busy café. Daehyun takes a break from his studying to glance up at him sometimes, amused by how Yongguk has to push his glasses back up his tall nose every so often when he's hunched over a book. Sometimes Daehyun daydreams about reaching over and do it for him.

All leaves on the trees have changed color now, beautiful in their impending death. It's cloudy, but not too cold, so Daehyun only brought his thin jacket. He'd forgotten his gloves, and his fingers long to wrap themselves around a hot cup of steaming coffee once they're out of the wind.

When he's barely two minutes away, the sky opens up. Rain starts falling, suddenly, brutally. Daehyun swears under his breath, gritting his teeth and gripping the steering wheel of his bike so hard his knuckles turn white. But there's not much else to do but to keep going, all while asking himself why he hadn't taken the bus, today of all days.

By the time he arrives at the café, he's absolutely drenched. His jacket and jeans are soaked through, and he can feel every piece of clothing stick to his skin. He keeps cursing to himself, parking the bike around the corner before heading inside.

Yongguk looks up from their table as soon as he steps inside, and Daehyun feels his face heat up. He feels awkward, lingering just inside the door, because he doesn't want to make a mess all over the floor. He can tell, just glancing around, that he's far from the only one coming out of the rain — one of the baristas already walking around with a mop —  but he still feels insecure about it.

"Hey." Yongguk has left the table to come meet him by the entrance, bag still packed. He's still wearing his coat, the shoulders dark from the rain. He'd been lucky, Daehyun thinks.

"Hey," Daehyun echoes, exhaling a breath. He wipes a palm across his face, desperately trying to get rid of some of the water tickling his skin. It doesn't help much.

"Shit, are you okay?" Yongguk asks, a slight scoff in his voice.

Daehyun snorts, even though he's embarrassed, and gestures to his soaked clothes.

"I'm—" He makes a face, looking over to their table waiting for them. "I don't really feel like sitting down, to be honest. Fuck, I hope my books are okay," he mumbles, resting the urge to let the bag slide off his shoulder and check right then and there. Those text books are expensive.

Yongguk nods in understanding, making a little noise of sympathy. He hesitates for a moment, eyes traveling over Daehyun's clothes. It does nothing to help stop blushing.

"We could go back to my place," Yongguk says then, eyes returning to Daehyun's face. "It's not far. We could dry off and study there instead. If you want," he hurries to add, scratching the back of his neck. The tips of his ears go dark, sticking out from under his beanie. "Tigger's staying with Natasha this week, so it'll be quiet and stuff."

Daehyun parts his lips in surprise at first, before getting out an answer.

"Sure."

Yongguk smiles, nodding. He looks out the doors at the rain, frowning slightly as he adjusts his bag and the collar of his coat. Daehyun doesn't really have anything to protect anymore, it's all wet anyway. Even his hair, that he'd washed only this morning. _Figures_.

"Ready?" Yongguk asks, hand on the door, and Daehyun nods.

"Let's go."

It isn't far, just like Yongguk had said. They half-run through the hard rain, laughing and bumping into one another in a way that makes Daehyun's heart flutter. Soon they reach the apartment building about two blocks away, and Yongguk digs for his keys to get the damn door open. They stumble inside, the squeaky sound of their footsteps echoing up the stairwell.

Daehyun doesn't know what to expect when stepping into Yongguk's apartment on the third floor, but somehow it just seems to _make sense_. It's clean, but not _too_ clean. Most of the furniture seems old, second-hand, and the lighting is warm. There's more colors than Daehyun expected there to be, the red couch cushions looking worn but comfortable.

"Wait here, I'll get you some clothes," Yongguk tells him, once he's stepped out of his shoes and hung up his jacket. It's just as bad as Daehyun's now, and there's wet patches on the jumper he'd been wearing underneath. His hair looks damp in odd places.

"Oh, I don't need to—" Daehyun tries, being polite.

Yongguk huffs, shooting him a smile over his shoulder as he walks further into the apartment.

"You're completely soaked. Wait here."

He disappears inside what Daehyun assumes is the bedroom, and Daehyun is left standing right inside the front door. He's taken his shoes off, but water is dripping from his jacket as well as his hair, his bag. He finally unzips it to look inside, pleased to find his books and papers dry. He exhales.

When Yongguk returns, a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants folded in his hands, he's taken the jumper off. The tank top he's wearing must've been underneath, because the wet patches have bled through. It's sticking to his body like a second skin, and Daehyun feels his eyes widen at all the black ink that's suddenly revealed. He's caught glimpses of the tattoo on Yongguk's chest before, but never realized just how big it was, or that there's more.

"How many tattoos do you have?" He finds himself asking, accepting the clothes.

Yongguk blinks, clearly surprised by the question, but then he grins and ducks his head down. He's taken his glasses off, and it's the first time Daehyun has seen him without them. He looks strangely _naked_ without the black frames on his face, but he's just as pretty.

"A few," he admits, which is an answer that only makes Daehyun even _more_ curious. Yongguk steps back after handing Daehyun the clothes, gesturing over his shoulder with his thumb. "I'll get changed in the bedroom. You can take the bathroom. There's a clean towel on the top shelf."

"Oh," Daehyun says, feeling his blush return full force. "Okay. Thanks."

Yongguk heads back into the bedroom, closing the door behind him, and Daehyun does his best not to make a total mess when moving himself into the bathroom. He gets out of his wet clothes, having to wriggle out of his jeans with how badly they're sticking to his legs. He strips down to his boxers, his face pink in the mirror at standing in Yongguk's bathroom so under dressed. He tries to hang up his clothes on a rack, despite there being little hope of them drying by the time he needs to leave.

He dries off best he can, slipping into the clothes Yongguk gave him. The sweats fit him perfectly, but the hoodie is a few sizes too big. Yongguk isn't much bigger than he is though, so it must be big even on him, and the thought makes Daehyun smile. He can't help but nosing into the soft fabric, breathing in the faint scent there. It's the same scent that lingers around the whole apartment, and Daehyun realizes that it's _Yongguk's_ scent, unfiltered. Up until now, he's only smelled it together with dust and books in the library, or with coffee and sugar in the café. It's never been _just_ Yongguk, and the intimacy of it makes Daehyun feel almost like an intruder.

When Daehyun steps out of the bathroom, Yongguk is sitting cross-legged on the couch, books spread out on the coffee table. He's got his glasses back, dressed in a big tee and track pants. He smiles at Daehyun as he walks into the room, eyes briefly darting up and down.

"There's not a lot of space," he says, looking around himself as if to make a point. "You can use the kitchen, if you want," he offers, not looking at Daehyun right when he says it. "It'd be easier, I guess."

Daehyun hesitates, licking his lips. He can taste the rain.

He recognizes that it _would_ be easier to sit in the kitchen, with a proper chair and a better table. But being _with_ Yongguk is one of the reasons he enjoys their study sessions to begin with, and the idea of them sitting in separate rooms makes his heart sink with disappointment.

"I'd rather be in here," he admits. "I don't mind."

Something flickers across Yongguk's face as he looks back at him, but then he ducks his head as he smiles and nods. Daehyun wonders if Yongguk's ears are still pink from the cold.

They sit right next to each other on the couch, Daehyun hyper aware of how his elbow keeps brushing Yongguk's knee every now and then. He _tries_ not to, embarrassed yet happy about their closeness, but with the way Yongguk is sitting it's next to impossible. Yongguk seems unbothered.

It's different, and Daehyun realizes it's the first time they are truly _alone_. Even if their conversations haven't involved anyone but the two of them, there's always been other people around. In the library, the diner, the museum, the café. And even if the library is usually relatively quiet, Yongguk's apartment is _really_ quiet.

Daehyun can hear Yongguk breathing, every scribble of a pen against paper seeming loud in the silence. He wonders if Yongguk can hear _him_ breathing, if he can hear the fast thumping of his heart. For a long moment he can't focus on anything else, rereading the same paragraph over and over without understanding a word. He starts thinking maybe he should've set up in the kitchen after all, because he's being ridiculous right now.

But eventually he's able to relax, once the initial shock is over and he's not as overwhelmed. He leans back, sinking a little into the couch, and focuses on reading his book. He's not behind on anything, hasn't been for a while thanks to his and Yongguk's consistent studying, so there's no pressure. He just allows himself to get lost in the text, intrigued by the topic.

He loses track of time, the two of them exchanging a few words here and there, taking turns to use the bathroom and refill their water glasses. The excitement is still there, of course, of being let into Yongguk's private space. Daehyun tries to picture Yongguk in his messy dorm room, but it's hard. He can't imagine why he'd ever want to come there.

"Slept badly?" Yongguk asks suddenly.

Daehyun blinks, first then realizing how he's slid down in a corner of the couch, his eyelids heavy. He's not certain if he's been reading anything for the past couple minutes. He groans, embarrassed, as he pushes himself back up to sit properly.

"Kinda," he admits, rubbing the back of his neck. He hesitates before continuing: "Sometimes I feel like I stay up just because I can, because it's weekend and I don't got classes. But it's a shitty reason," he adds, needing Yongguk to know that he's fully aware of it.

Yongguk shrugs, non-judgmental as ever.

"I do that too, sometimes," he says, voice deep. They're so close that Daehyun can practically _feel_ the vibration from where their bodies are touching. "Even though I shouldn't."

He parts his lips as if to say more, only it takes a while. Daehyun can sense the hesitation.

"I'm back on my sleeping pills," Yongguk finally admits. He doesn't sound ashamed of it, exactly, only sad. "And I really shouldn't put off taking them, but sometimes I do, because I want to stay up and write, read, whatever. I think it's something about still having control," he hums, sounding thoughtful. As if he's just now thinking it out loud, letting Daehyun be there for the process.

"Yeah," Daehyun says, because it makes sense. Most things Yongguk say makes sense.

Yongguk turns his head to offers him a small smile. Their faces are so close like this.

"You didn't have to come out today, if you were tired."

Daehyun desperately tries to _not_ let his gaze drop to Yongguk's lips, meeting his gaze instead.

"I wanted to come," he murmurs, heart skipping a beat. Because it seems like an important confession. He's always been willing to drop whatever he's doing to see Yongguk, today had been no different. "I'm fine," he tries to assure him. "I'll go to bed early."

Yongguk hums, not sounding convinced, but he still nods as his gaze falls away again.

They return to work, Daehyun trying to recover from how warm his chest feels from the conversation. He starts reading again, picking up where he _thinks_ he left off before his attention drifted. He's vaguely aware of how Yongguk seems to struggle getting back to it, eyes wandering across the room every now and then.

After a moment, Yongguk puts down his highlighter and turns to Daehyun again.

"Would you mind if I played some piano?" He asks, clearly unsure. "My lesson is tomorrow, and I wanted to—"

"Sure," Daehyun says, immediately, feeling excited. He'd noticed the keyboard set up in the corner of the room, but he hadn't thought much of it. "Of course."

Yongguk grins, crowfeet appearing around his eyes. The way his nose scrunches up makes his glasses move.

"You sure you won't be disturbed?" He asks, even as he gets to his feet.

"Nah," Daehyun says, waving off his concerns. "You taught me to study in a crowded coffee shop, I think I can handle some music. Go on, I don't mind."

Yongguk chuckles, nodding as he pads over to the keyboard and sits down. Daehyun notices how his hair has dried now, looking even more like a mess than it had before. He keeps his book in his lap, head slightly bowed as if he was still reading, but instead he watches Yongguk spread his long fingers and let them hover over the black and white keys.

Daehyun is not surprised to learn Yongguk is a skilled pianist. They've talked about music before, who their favorite artists are, what genre they like more than others. He remembers Yongguk mentioning his piano lessons all the way back at Culture Night, when in the art gallery, he just somehow never let himself imagine Yongguk playing the piano. But it's beautiful, and even in track pants and tousled hair, he still somehow looks the part.

"That's awesome," Daehyun can't help but tell him, once Yongguk starts the song over.

Yongguk flashes him a smile, looking almost shy at the praise. The smile is contagious, and Daehyun grins right back. It feels special, somehow, like they're sharing a private moment. He can tell how focused Yongguk is as he directs his attention back to the keyboard, playing the song all over again. The soft notes fill the quiet apartment, and for a long time Daehyun does little else but stare.

Eventually he finds his way back to his reading, managing to make sense of it while still listening to Yongguk's playing. He can't help but sag a little on the couch, now left with more room after Yongguk got up. He gets comfortable, telling himself he'll at least finish this chapter.

At some point his eyelids start to get heavy again, and the next thing he knows he's _waking up_. The room is darker, the sunlight gone outside the windows, and he's lying curled up the couch. Daehyun blinks, confused as he pushes himself up to sit.

Yongguk is gone. His books are where he'd left them on the coffee table, highlighter where he'd dropped it before moving to the keyboard. The corner of the room is dark, empty.

Daehyun's head jerks towards the kitchen when there's a faint noise, heart jolting with _something_ as he pushes himself up and off the couch. He finds Yongguk by the stove, stirring two chopsticks in a big pot of noodles. He looks up when Daehyun comes to stand in the doorway, their eyes meeting. Daehyun's chest feels too tight suddenly, not sure how to describe what he's feeling.

"How long did I sleep?" He asks, voice hoarse.

Yongguk smiles softly.

"Not sure. A little more than an hour, probably. Didn't wanna wake you."

"Why not?" Daehyun asks, confused. "I feel like an asshole, falling asleep on your couch."

"I don't mind," Yongguk shrugs. "Are you hungry?"

Daehyun eyes the pot of noodles, feeling his stomach grumble. He feels as if he _should_ excuse himself and go home, that it'd make the most sense. It's getting late, and they're clearly not studying anymore. But Daehyun doesn't think Yongguk is offering just to be polite. He looks _hopeful_ , almost.

"Yeah," he hears himself saying, running a hand through his messy hair. "Shit, thanks."

Yongguk chuckles, turning off the heat.

"It's just noodles," he says, as if Daehyun got over-excited.

"I'm a college student," Daehyun reminds him. "I love noodles."

They don't talk much while they eat, other than Daehyun apologizing once again for falling asleep and Yongguk assuring him that it's fine.

After, Daehyun leans back in his chair and thinks once again about how he should probably excuse himself before Yongguk needs to start dropping hints about wanting him out of there. He wonders if his clothes have dried any in the bathroom, not looking forward to put them back on again and fetch his bike from outside the café. Just the thought of having to go outside makes him want to curl in on himself. It looks like the rain has stopped, but the streets will be wet, puddles everywhere.

"I took my pills," Yongguk says suddenly, breaking the silence.

Daehyun blinks, because the way Yongguk says it is weird. Like he doesn't _want_ to say it.

"Oh," Daehyun says, trying to think. "I should… go then, right?" He asks, feeling stupid, because he's not sure how the pills work.

Yongguk shakes his head, letting out a sigh and his shoulders slump with it. It's the farthest from the collected man Daehyun knows that he's ever seen him. It's scary as well as fascinating.

"I took them right before you woke up," he tells him, voice solemn. "Because it takes them like two hours to kick in, for me to start getting tired, and I— I always have to _time_ things." His voice doesn't change, and yet Daehyun can feel the frustration in his words. Yongguk drops his gaze down to the table between them. "I didn't think you'd wake up, so I figured I'd take them and then— I'd just go to sleep, too."

It takes a moment for Daehyun to understand exactly what Yongguk is saying; that he'd expected him to _stay_ , to sleep there.

"And now I feel like asshole," Yongguk sighs, dragging one hand down his face. "Because you're awake, but within two hours I'm gonna be— I'll need to go to bed."

"That's okay," Daehyun tries to assure him, finally understanding why Yongguk is regretful. It makes him feel good, knowing Yongguk doesn't want to kick him out. "I should head home, anyway."

Yongguk opens his mouth again, but closes it. He nods slowly, offering Daehyun a regretful smile.

"Sorry."

But Daehyun shakes his head, getting up from the table.

"Come on. It's okay. You should sleep. Me too, actually."

Yongguk just hums, rising from the chair and follows him back into the living room. Daehyun packs up his things, feeling just a little awkward with Yongguk standing there watching him.

Just as he's about to put on his shoes, he remembers his wet clothes still in the bathroom. He opens his mouth, but Yongguk makes a disagreeing noise as he shakes his head.

"I'll put them in a plastic bag for you," he says, already moving. "You can keep the clothes on. You can give them back some other time, it's fine."

"Thank you," Daehyun says, once handed his wet clothes in a carefully folded plastic bag. He's standing right by the front door, shoes on. He's had to put his jacket back on, and it's still damp, but it's okay. He'll survive until he gets back to the dorm. "For everything today. It was great."

Yongguk slides both hands into the pockets on his track pants, smiling at him. Daehyun's heart jolts, at how soft he looks just then. He lets himself imagine what Yongguk looks like once the sleeping pills kick in, when his eyelids start to feel heavy.

"Hope you get some sleep," Yongguk tells him as they wave goodbye through the door.

"You too," Daehyun tells him honestly.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos make me happy but comments are what keeps me going!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter yet, but if you're still with me this far, I'm assuming you don't mind.
> 
> Minor warnings for: alcohol, mild angst, sleeping pills, mental illness struggles. This is still very much inspired by my own life, so just know that I'm writing from experience. Please take care of yourselves.
> 
> I still don't have a beta.

[masterpost](http://zainbap.tumblr.com/post/177845688624/like-autumn-leaves-we-fall-bangdae) • [tumblr](http://zainbap.tumblr.com/) • [soundtrack](https://youtu.be/xLuBFPYbgVA)

part five

 

 

Daehyun is standing by the counter, watching Sungwon refill the two cups Daehyun had brought from his and Yongguk's table. It's Tuesday, before noon, and the coffee shop is pretty empty. Sungwon is the only barista currently working, and per usual he's seizing every opportunity to chat when there's no line. Daehyun doesn't mind. For someone as vibrant and loud as Sungwon, he still doesn't understand why most his friends call him _Sleepy_.

"Anyway, you and Bbang should go see it," Sungwon concludes, wrapping up the conversation about a movie he'd seen the other day. "I think he'd like it."

Daehyun blinks.

"What?"

"You know," Sungwon scoffs, eyes on his hands as he places Yongguk's coffee on the counter top between them. "At the movies. It's still showing."

Daehyun parts his lips, feeling his heart do something ridiculous at the thought of him and Yongguk in a dark movie theater. The popcorn placed between them, hands brushing as they both reach for it.

"We don't really… do that," he says.

Sungwon puts down Daehyun's latte next to Yongguk's black coffee, cocking an eyebrow at him.

"You've been going out for three months and you've never gone to see a movie?"

Daehyun stares at him, dumbfounded. He feels heat rising to his cheeks, instinctively throwing a glance over his shoulder. To make sure Yongguk is still reading over by the table, that he's not _hearing_ this. He looks back to Sungwon.

"We're not going out."

He tries to keep the regret out of his voice.

Sungwon pauses, eyebrows raising toward his hairline. Last week his roots had been black, the green in his hair a lot more washed out compared to when Daehyun first met him. But now every strand on his head matches his pink apron.

"What, for real? You're not— _Really?_ "

Daehyun feels himself blush even darker at the genuine _surprise_ coloring Sungwon's face. He scoffs, trying to play it off as amusement rather than embarrassment.

"Why would you think that we were?" He asks, heart racing, because he can't help but wonder what it _means_ for one of Yongguk's closest friends to make that assumption. That him meeting up with a boy in a café to study would imply they're going out.

Sungwon's expression quickly changes, a sharpness to him that Daehyun has never seen before. He looks almost _defensive_ , and it makes Daehyun's heart droop.

"Hey, man," he says, voice flat. "I didn't mean to offend you or anything—"

Daehyun feels hot panic stir in his belly, realizing how wrongly Sungwon had interpreted his reaction. That he seems to think Daehyun's got a problem with someone thinking he was not only going out with _Yongguk_ , but with _a guy_.

"That's not— I'm not offended," Daehyun hurries to clarify. "I'm not an _asshole_."

Sungwon's face relaxes, an apologetic smile tugging at his mouth.

"Sorry," he sighs, waving a hand in the air as if to brush it all off. "Just— Some people, you know?"

Daehyun nods, actually moved by how Sungwon clearly was ready to defend his friend. Who may or may not like boys.

"Yeah," he agrees quietly. "I know."

Sungwon tilts his head to the side, regarding him with a soft expression. Daehyun feels like he's being x-rayed, willing his flaming cheeks to cool down. He turns his attention to the paper cups in front of him, slowly dragging them over onto his side of the counter. When he looks back up, ready to step away and return to Yongguk, there's a glint of _something_ in Sungwon's eyes.

"You like him?"

Daehyun opens his mouth, but he can't come up with anything to respond with. He just stands there with his lips parted, heart stuttering at the prolonged silence. How it's an answer in itself. Sungwon's smile grows, and Daehyun drops his gaze onto the two coffees in his hands.

He looks over his shoulder again, just as Yongguk looks up from his books. Their eyes meet, Yongguk smiling even as he lifts his eyebrows in question. Daehyun hurries to smile back before turning away.

"Hey," Sungwon says, arms crossed as he leans in over the counter. He keeps his voice down, making sure no one but Daehyun can hear him. He's still smiling, looking as if he's fighting not to grin. "Don't worry, man. My lips are sealed."

Daehyun's breath hitches, the butterflies swirling in his belly. Because it feels _amazing_ and _horrible_ at the same time, that Sungwon knows. That he seems supportive of Daehyun's crush. And Daehyun feels ridiculous, wondering if he's done something to give his feelings away. If _he's_ the reason Sungwon thought he and Yongguk were romantically involved.

"Okay," he says dumbly, not sure what else to say. _Thanking_ him would be too much like confirming it, despite there being little room left for interpretation at this point.

Sungwon just grins, nodding as he straightens back up and Daehyun finally heads back to the table.

Yongguk puts his book down, adjusting his glasses before accepting his refilled coffee from Daehyun with a soft smile.

"What's that about?" He asks, amused.

"Nothing," Daehyun scoffs as he sits back down opposite from Yongguk, heart skipping a beat. "Just Sungwon being Sungwon."

Yongguk chuckles, cocking his head as if to say _touché_ , and thankfully returns to his textbook.

They both return to studying in silence, although Daehyun's thoughts keep drifting back to Sungwon's words. The pure shock on his face.

 _Are we going out?_ Daehyun asks himself, sneaking a glance at Yongguk across the table. But that's ridiculous. Of course they're not. Daehyun would know if they were. And yet Sungwon's surprise makes Daehyun feel like he's missing something.

"Do you like parties?" He suddenly blurts out.

Yongguk looks up, blinking in surprise.

"Ah," he says. "I, uh— My sleeping pills don't really go well with alcohol."

"Oh," Daehyun says, feeling dumb and ignorant. He nods, looking back down into his book when feeling heat creep onto his cheeks. "Right."

"But I can… not take them," Yongguk continues, making Daehyun look back up. "Like, for a night. Or whatever. If I wanna drink."

Daehyun opens his mouth, hesitating.

"And that's… okay?"

"Yeah," Yongguk shrugs, smiling faintly. "It's fine."

The silence that follows is loaded, Daehyun's pulse quickening as neither of them break eye-contact.

"There's a party this weekend," he says finally, "at a classmate's house. I was just— You wanna come? I'm pretty sure Himchan and Jongup will be there too, so it's—"

He doesn't know how to finish that sentence. _So it's not just me_. He trails off, looking away briefly and shrugging with one shoulder. Pretending not to be as nervous about Yongguk's answers as he is.

When he finally looks back, Yongguk is just watching him with a soft smile.

"Sure."

Daehyun's belly is full of butterflies.

"Okay," he says, unable to keep the smile off his face. He ducks his head down, nodding. "Great."

Yongguk chuckles, nodding as well as they both quietly return their attention to their books.

It's nearly impossible to focus after that.

 

 

 

By the time Yongguk arrives at the house party that Friday night, Daehyun has had multiple drinks.

He's tried to play it cool, while in reality he's started thinking Yongguk wasn't gonna show up. That he would have something more important to do. It's silly, and Daehyun knows it, but he can't help it. It doesn't even make sense for him to be nervous about Yongguk _actually_ showing up, either. It's not a date. Maybe they're not even gonna hang out that much. Maybe Yongguk knows half the people there and Daehyun will only see glimpses of him throughout the night.

In the end, Daehyun sees the moment Yongguk walks through the front door. He looks good, wearing a black v-neck beneath his jacket that's showing parts of that big tattoo that Daehyun hasn't seen before. His gaze scans the room, their eyes locking, and Daehyun watches Yongguk's face light up in a smile. He slips out of his jacket before coming over.

"Hey."

"Hi," Daehyun returns. His face feels hot, but it always does whenever he's drinking. He wonders if he's blushing. The thought alone probably makes it happen anyway. Bodies are treacherous like that. He smiles, feeling loose and happy. "You came."

Yongguk chuckles, sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans. His glasses have slid down his nose just a bit, and Daehyun wants to reach up and fix them. If he'd been just a little more drunk than he is, he probably would have.

"Bbang!"

Himchan's voice is so loud and sudden it makes both of them jump, turning to see Himchan making his way through the crowded kitchen to join them in the hallway. He looks downright shocked. Once within arm's reach, he playfully slaps Yongguk's shoulder.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

His words are a bit slurred, a beer bottle in his other hand. Yongguk scoffs, lowering his head briefly in a way that looks almost _shy_.

"Daehyun invited me," he says, looking back to Daehyun with a little smile.

"He did?" Himchan asks, shooting Daehyun a glance. Daehyun doesn't know how to respond, so he just smiles and shrugs. Himchan snorts, turning back to Yongguk. "I mean, I _would've_ , you know? It's just that you always say no."

Daehyun looks to Yongguk, surprised. Yongguk scoffs and looks away, the tips of his ears darkening.

As it turns out, Yongguk does know quite a lot of the people there. At the very least, _they_ know _of_ _him_. Many greet him by name, to which Yongguk waves back with a shy smile. Daehyun can tell he's not a big party-goer. Which makes sense, considering what he said about his pills. At first he doesn't seem to plan on drinking at all. He didn't bring any with him. But then Daehyun's classmate — the host of the party — offers him a drink, and Yongguk accepts.

It's the biggest party Daehyun has been to in a while, considering most students live in dorms or tiny apartments. So many bodies in every room of the house makes the temperature go up, and no one's protesting when someone opens the door to the balcony. Some go out there to smoke, which makes others want to close the door again to keep out the smell. It's a bit of a disaster.

Daehyun is tipsy, having a good time nodding his head to the beat and talking to Yongguk and others. The two of them stay close to Himchan and Jongup, at first. But then Jongup starts break-dancing in the middle of the living room and they leave Himchan to be embarrassed about it by himself.

"I can't believe he still does that," Yongguk laughs as they flee to another corner of the house.

" _Still?_ " Daehyun repeats, sounding scandalized. "Is this a _common_ thing?"

"Oh, yeah," Yongguk snorts, grinning. His cheeks are slightly flushed. He looks so good. "For as long as I've known him. He just… needs to dance sometimes. I don't know."

Daehyun laughs, loud and just a little obnoxious. Yongguk doesn't seem to mind, just smiles at him in a way that makes Daehyun's heart flutter.

Without thinking, Daehyun leads them up the stairs. There are plenty of people up there too, but it's a whole different vibe than downstairs. People come up here to get _privacy_. Or at least the illusion of it. There's a group of girls in the hallway having what they seem to think is a very private conversation. Daehyun blushes as he and Yongguk walks past them, though they barely seem to notice. Bedroom doors are closed, and there's a few couples hugging or kissing out in the open.

Yongguk doesn't say anything, just follows. Daehyun doesn't dare look over his shoulder and lock eyes with him, not sure what to say. He just keeps moving forward, hoping he'll find something.

In the end, they find another balcony. It's tiny compared to the one downstairs, but it's empty. Daehyun can feel his shirt starting to stick to his skin with how hot he is, and Yongguk doesn't object when he opens the door to let the autumn air greet them. The doorway is just wide enough for them both to sit there side by side, hips touching.

"Nice," Daehyun hums. He's referring to the starry night sky, but forgets to specify.

But Yongguk still hums in agreement. He shifts the red cup in his hand, and Daehyun blinks.

"Your nails are black," he says, reaching out before thinking better of it. He can't believe he didn't see it earlier. Yongguk lets Daehyun bring his hand closer to his face, studying it. He seems shy about it, yet amused by Daehyun's reaction. "Do you… paint them often?"

He feels like he should've noticed by now, considering how much time he spends sharing a table with Yongguk's hands.

"Just sometimes," Yongguk says with a shrug.

"It's pretty," Daehyun says, meaning it. It fits Yongguk in a special type of way. The way his glasses and beanie fits him. Before now Daehyun never would've guessed Yongguk owned nail polish, but now that he knows, it doesn't seem that odd.

Yongguk seems embarrassed then, gently tugging to get his hand back. Daehyun lets go, not having realized he was still holding on to it.

They sit in silence for a while. Daehyun's world is spinning a little bit, and before he knows it he's resting his head on Yongguk's shoulder, eyes falling shut. Yongguk is warm, and he smells familiar. Like his apartment, and the hoodie Daehyun has yet to return.

"You okay?" Yongguk asks softly.

His voice feels like it's very far away. Daehyun just hums in response, drunkenly nuzzling Yongguk's shoulder for a little while before realizing what he's doing. He straightens back up, eyes open.

"Sorry," he says.

Yongguk is looking at him.

"For what?"

Daehyun turns his head to meet his eyes.

"You seeing me like this. I was worried this would happen. I'm— I'm loud and clingy, sometimes. Especially when I'm drunk. Wasn't sure you'd like me, like this. Shit," he sighs.

But Yongguk just smiles. The light is not the same out here, but his ears and cheeks still look pink.

"I like seeing this side of you, too," he tells him.

Daehyun feels overwhelmed by that. Overwhelmed by how gentle and lovely Yongguk is. Their faces are so close like this, and Daehyun can't stop his gaze from flickering down to Yongguk's lips. He wonders what it'd feel like to kiss someone wearing glasses. He's never done it before. Would they get in the way? Would they have to find a certain angle?

There's _something_ in Yongguk's eyes that's new, and it makes heat pool in Daehyun's belly.

"Please don't do anything too good right now," Daehyun mumbles. "I want to remember."

Yongguk exhales, his breath turning into smoke in the chilly air.

"Okay," he says.

 

 

 

As it happens, Daehyun doesn't remember much of the rest of the party after that.

He knows he and Yongguk head back downstairs eventually to find Himchan and Jongup reconciling. He knows he danced at some point, that smokers got banned from the balcony, and that someone else commented on Yongguk's nails, but he's not sure in which order it all happened.

He knows Yongguk offered to walk him home, with the party still going on. He knows he said yes.

When Daehyun wakes up the next morning, with a fairly bad headache, he vaguely recalls Yongguk following him to his door. He'd slept in his clothes from last night, still smelling of cigarettes and liquor, so he must've fallen asleep right away. He doesn't remember saying goodbye to Yongguk.

"God," Daehyun mutters, covering his face with his hands.

It feels strange, knowing that Yongguk's been here. And on the back of Daehyun's desk chair, in plain sight, is still Yongguk's hoodie he'd borrowed the other week. If Yongguk was in his room last night, he either didn't see it, or he did and chose not to take it back.

Heart fluttering, he remembers what he'd said on the balcony. What it had really _meant_ , and what Yongguk had responded with.

_Don't kiss me when I'm drunk, I want to remember it._

_Okay_.

_Let's not cross that line right now, but later._

_Okay_.

 

 

 

Sunday afternoon, Daehyun is bouncing his leg beneath the table, checking his phone for the hundredth time. Sungwon is standing next to his table, leaning against a mop. It's raining again.

"Give him another minute," Sungwon hums, lazily moving the mop around while standing in place.

"It's been five," Daehyun says, voice flat.

Yongguk is late.

Yongguk is _never_ late.

They didn't talk yesterday, even though Daehyun wanted to. He wanted to send Yongguk a text and apologize for being an embarrassing drunk, but thought maybe that would just make things even more awkward. He'd decided to wait till their usual study time, giving them both another day to recover. From everything.

Daehyun feels something cold and uncomfortable settle in his stomach, growing bigger and heavier by the minute. He's worried, in more than one way. Yongguk might be avoiding him, which is enough of a kick to the gut. But Daehyun also can't help but think something else happened. He doesn't want to believe Yongguk _forgot_ he'd been drinking Friday night, and went home to take his pill anyway. Daehyun doesn't even know what would happen, if he did. He just knows it's bad.

"Still no response?"

Sungwon, of course, knows it too.

Daehyun shakes his head. He's told Sungwon everything already. He hadn't planned to, but after seeing the two of them here together so often, Sungwon had already figured something was off. And they're friends now. Daehyun thinks so, at least. At any case, it feels good to have someone around that knows Yongguk as well as Sungwon does.

One of the first things Sungwon had asked was how much Yongguk had had to drink that night. Daehyun wishes he could remember more clearly. It hadn't been an accusation, but Daehyun still feels guilty. If something's really wrong, it's his fault.

"Alright," Sungwon finally says, leaning the mop against his own chest as he takes out his phone. "I'll text him, tell him we just wanna make sure he's alright."

Daehyun nods, fumbling with his phone on top of the table. His and Yongguk's coffees are both gonna go cold. For once, he'd ordered for Yongguk rather than the other way around. He'd almost been excited about it, wanting to see Yongguk's reaction.

Sungwon's boss appears, and he gets busy mopping the rest of the place. Daehyun tries to take a sip of his coffee, but the mere smell makes his stomach protest. He puts it back down. He taps his phone again. Nothing. At this point, he's almost _hoping_ Yongguk is just ignoring him. That it's nothing else.

A little while later, Sungwon returns.

"Okay," he says, his mouth a thin line. "I think you should go over there."

Daehyun's heart sinks like a stone.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing. He hasn't replied. And it's— Something's not right," Sungwon says, looking nothing like the cheerful guy Daehyun has come to know. "He wouldn't ignore a message like that. Not from me," he adds, giving Daehyun an almost _apologetic_ look.

But Daehyun gets it. They're close friends. He's… something else.

"Alright," Daehyun says, swallowing around the lump in his throat. "I'll— I'll go by his apartment."

"Thanks," Sungwon tells him honestly, offering a weak smile.

Daehyun stands, grabbing his bag that's still packed with all his things. He pauses, eyeing the untouched coffee orders, but Sungwon waves him off.

"Don't worry about it. Next time's on the house for you two. Just go."

 

 

 

He's only been to Yongguk's apartment once, but he's got no problem finding his way. Sungwon had given him the code to the building, and it feels a bit like déjà vu when rushing inside from the rain. Daehyun feels like an intruder walking up the stairs to Yongguk's floor, his footsteps echoing in the empty stairwell.

Ringing Yongguk's doorbell, Daehyun immediately hears a soft barking from somewhere inside. The fact that Tigger is in Yongguk's apartment only makes Daehyun even _more_ worried. Because he wouldn't leave the dog unattended for too long, which means Yongguk must be inside. Inside, but not responding to friends' concerned texts at a time when he's usually up and about.

No one comes to open the door, so Daehyun rings the bell again. He knocks on the door. Tigger is still barking softly inside, the travelling sound of it suggesting the dog is running back and forth. Daehyun's heart is beating too fast. His mind starts playing out the worst possible scenarios.

He wants to call Sungwon. He wishes he had Sungwon's number. He thinks about calling Himchan.

Then the lock clicks, and the door opens.

Yongguk is there, peering at him in the bright light, and he looks horrible. He's got dark circles under his eyes, his hair a mess. He looks naked without his glasses. Even with his eyes narrowed, Daehyun can see how bloodshot they are. He's wearing a big t-shirt and his tracker pants, standing barefoot in the door. Tigger is on the threshold, the little tail wagging at Daehyun.

"Daehyun?"

"Oh my god," Daehyun breathes out, relief flooding him. "Fuck. I was—"

Yongguk looks so _confused_ , Daehyun struggles with what to say. Then, slowly, something else creeps into Yongguk's expression. His eyes flicker down to Daehyun's bag, blinking.

"Shit," he mumbles. "What day is it?"

Daehyun hesitates.

"Sunday."

"Shit," Yongguk says again, self-consciously running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. I didn't—"

He looks so _exhausted_ , Daehyun feels bad for even being there.

"I was worried," he says, swallowing. His heart is still beating a little too fast. "Me and Sungwon. We— We were worried something was wrong. I thought maybe— After the party—"

His voice trails off. Guilt fills Yongguk's eyes. It makes him look even worse.

"No. Nothing happened," Yongguk sighs, dragging a hand down his face. "I just— I couldn't sleep that night, so yesterday—" He shakes his head, jaw setting for a moment before continuing. He doesn't meet Daehyun's eyes just then. "I took too many pills," he says eventually, voice quiet. "There's— There's two kinds. I took two of the stronger ones. And—" He sighs, shaking his head again. "It was stupid. I've done it before, and it's always— It completely knocks me out. I can barely wake up within the next day. I'm still—"

He cuts himself off, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Fucking hell," Daehyun mumbles. "Yongguk. God—"

"I know," Yongguk says, still unable to look at him. He runs a hand through his hair again. "I know it's bad. I shouldn't have done it. I just wanted to sleep. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't show up today."

"It's fine, it's— Whatever," Daehyun shrugs, frowning. "Jesus. Don't even worry about _that_. I'm just—" He shakes his head, exhaling shakily. He feels awful. "I shouldn't have asked you to that party."

At that, Yongguk finally looks up while firmly shaking his head.

"Daehyun, no. It was my call. I'm the one who messed up after."

"It's still bad," Daehyun insists. "I shouldn't have asked you. Not after you told me about— I shouldn't."

" _Dae_."

It's the first time Yongguk calls him that, or anything other than his full name, and Daehyun can barely process how _intimate_ it sounds. Yongguk looks more alert than he has since opening that door, holding Daehyun's gaze steadily.

"I'm a grown man, I make my own decisions, and I'm responsible for taking my own meds. I came to the party because I wanted to. I had a drink because I wanted to, not because I felt pushed to it. Alright?"

Daehyun swallows around the lump in his throat, feeling tears burn behind his eyes. But he nods.

Yongguk nods, too, and smiles sadly. He blinks, changing his stance where they're still standing in the doorway. Tigger whines by his feet, earning their attention. Yongguk groans, rubbing his forehead.

"He needs a walk. I— Shit."

"I'll walk him," Daehyun says instantly.

Yongguk looks at him, something soft in his tired eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"Come on. Let me help. I'll just walk the block or something."

"Thank you," Yongguk says warmly, looking around for the poodle's leash.

He hands it to Daehyun, their hands brushing in passing. Daehyun crouches down to put the collar on Tigger who finally connects the dots and gets _incredibly_ excited about what's about to happen. Daehyun can't help but giggle, the sound shattering something lingering in the air. And when he looks back up, Yongguk is smiling faintly.

"Go sit down," Daehyun tells him. "Just be awake when I get back."

"I will be," Yongguk promises.

Daehyun starts turning away, before stopping himself.

"You should probably text Sungwon back," he offers.

It's a short walk.

Partly because Daehyun wants to return to Yongguk as soon as possible, but also because Tigger seems perfectly content once he's done his business. The rain has turned into a light drizzle, which is a relief, but Tigger walks through enough puddles to get most of his coat soaked anyway.

When returning to Yongguk's apartment, Daehyun only has to knock once to be let in. Yongguk meets him with a sheepish smile, cheeks pink as if he'd splashed some water in his face. He's changed shirt and put on socks. Daehyun helps him dry Tigger off best they can right inside the door, before the poodle gets free and flees into the kitchen.

"Let him go," Yongguk decides, scoffing weakly as they both stand back up.

Daehyun is just about to turn and leave, thinking he's got what he came here for, when Yongguk hesitantly opens his mouth.

"You wanna stay?"

Staying hadn't even been on Daehyun's radar.

"I… thought you'd want to keep sleeping it off," he says, unsure.

Yongguk shakes his head, eyes lowered.

"I won't be much fun," he admits. "But— If you want to stay, you can."

Daehyun studies him. He looks so open and vulnerable, and Daehyun feels his heart clench with how much he cares for him. There turned out to be a lot more to Yongguk than he first thought when they met, but nothing has stopped his feelings from blooming. His chest is burning with it.

The fact that Yongguk looks like a mess and desperately needs a shower, but still doesn't want Daehyun to leave. The fact that they both must know there won't be any studying done. It's always been the excuse, something to hide behind. But it won't work this time.

"Okay," he says.

Yongguk smiles.

They end up on the couch in the living room, Yongguk turning the TV on. They do watch it at first, sitting on each ends of the small couch with just a small space left between them. Yongguk is sitting curled up in his corner, legs pulled up against his chest. Tigger returns from the kitchen, licking his mouth, and trots over to settle into the dog bed next to the keyboard. Silence reigns for a while, but it's not the comfortable kind they usually have.

In the corner of his eye, he watches Yongguk turn towards him after a while, leaning his side against the back of the couch. His feet are inches away from touching Daehyun's thigh.

"Are you upset with me?"

Yongguk's voice is low, but it still cuts through the silence like a knife. Daehyun tips his head back, head turned to meet Yongguk's eyes. He looks so worried, and it dawns on Daehyun just how much his opinion matters to Yongguk. How concerned he is about what Daehyun might be thinking.

"No," Daehyun sighs softly. "I just— I was really scared," he admits.

Yongguk nods solemnly, brows furrowed with guilt.

"I get that," he says quietly. "And I really _am_ sorry. I never meant to… put you through that."

Daehyun swallows, nodding. He believes that, even though he still doesn’t get it. He stays still for a moment before turning to the side as well, facing Yongguk. He rest his cheek on the back of the couch. For a moment, they just look at each other.

"Tell me more about it," he murmurs. "How it all works."

Yongguk seems to hesitate.

"Why?"

"Because I want to understand," Daehyun says honestly. "So that next time, I'll know."

"There won't be a next time," Yongguk protests, but seems to realize how hollow that promise is.

He sighs, running his fingers through his hair again. Daehyun waits. The TV is still on, having turned into background noise. Tigger is seconds away from falling asleep over in the corner.

"Like I said, I have two kind of sleeping pills," Yongguk finally explains, voice quiet. "Last time you were here— That's the first kind. It takes an hour or so to kick in, and it keeps me drowsy for about ten hours. If I'm lucky, that drowsiness is enough to help me fall asleep. But it doesn't always work."

"So you have a stronger one."

Yongguk nods.

"It's— That first one, I can take every night if I want to. It's not… dangerous. But this second one, the stronger one— I'm only supposed to take it every now and then," he admits. "You get addicted easily. They work pretty much instantly, and you get… high. I guess that's the right word," he sighs. "The effects don't last very long, but they're very effective for the _falling_ asleep part. It's the one you might not wake up from, if you take too many at once. I— Every time I renew my prescription, they have to ask if I have any suicidal thoughts. They _have_ to."

"Jesus," Daehyun breathes out.

"Yeah," Yongguk agrees, swallowing. "It's— It's really bad, to mess up like I did. But I promise, I just wanted to sleep. I didn't _think_."

Daehyun swallows down a dry throat, processing as he blankly looks back to the TV.

Yongguk lets him.

"So what did you take yesterday?"

"One of the first one, two of the second."

Daehyun nods, lips pressed together.

"And you still feel it?" He asks, looking back. Yongguk is already watching him. "What's it like?"

"My fingers feel numb," Yongguk hums, holding out a hand between them and spreading his fingers as if to demonstrate. "It's hard to do anything. I just feel… heavy. It's the combination of the two drugs. When it gets like this, it's difficult to do anything but roll over and keep sleeping."

Daehyun studies Yongguk's spread fingers, despite them looking completely ordinary.

"But it's safe now, right?" He asks. "To sleep, I mean."

Yongguk nods firmly.

"Yeah, I just feel… slightly dazed, still. But most of it is out of my system by now."

Daehyun hums, not sure what else to say right away. He drops his gaze to their toes in the middle of the couch, so close but not touching yet.

"Then it's okay," he says eventually, "if you wanna sleep some more. Really."

He looks back into Yongguk's eyes to let him know that he means it, that it's okay.

"I don't wanna sleep when you're here," Yongguk murmurs, and the honesty of it makes Daehyun's heart flutter. "And I'm… sorry for being so gross right now," he adds, grimacing weakly.

Daehyun huffs.

"It's okay." A pause. "I like seeing this side of you, too."

Their eyes meet again, a smile tugging at the corner of Yongguk's mouth.

"I wasn't sure how much you remembered. From the party."

"Not everything," Daehyun admits. "But most of it, I think. The end of it is a little fuzzy. I remember us being on the balcony." He sees _something_ flicker across Yongguk's face, and even though he can't tell exactly what it is, it still makes his face heat up. "I remember you walked me home. I— Thank you."

Yongguk's smile grows even stronger.

"Thanks for inviting me. It was fun. Just— I might be all partied-out for a while."

"No more parties," Daehyun decides. "I should've just asked you to the movies." At that, Yongguk's eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and Daehyun realizes what he just said. "I _mean_ — There's a movie Sungwon thought you might like," he splutters. "You know. So."

Yongguk's smile grows big enough to show his teeth and gums. Daehyun loves that smile.

"I'd love to go," he says with a small shrug. "Next Saturday, maybe? After my shift?"

"Okay, great," Daehyun exhales, wondering how the hell he pulled that off.

Yongguk grins, mirroring Daehyun and tilting his head to rest on the back of the couch. They're still for a moment, before Yongguk pushes his feet closer, covering Daehyun's toes with his own. Yongguk is wearing white, fuzzy socks while Daehyun had taken his off, damp from the rain. He hadn't realized how his feet were slightly getting cold till now, and he can't stop the pleased humming noise slipping out of him. Yongguk chuckles, the tips of his ears pink.

"You could borrow some socks."

"No, this is fine," Daehyun mumbles.

They fall into silence again, and it's nice. Daehyun turns his head slightly, lazily altering between watching the TV, the raindrops slapping against the window, and Tigger sleeping in his bed. Yongguk seems to do the same thing, though Daehyun notices him blinking slower and slower.

It doesn't take long before Yongguk's eyelids seem to grow too heavy, and he finally closes his eyes. Daehyun gives it a minute, but then he can't help but watching Yongguk's face as he falls asleep. He looks peaceful, despite the dark circles under his eyes. His lips are slightly parted, his breath steady and deep as his chest moves with it. His feet are still on top of Daehyun's.

Butterflies are swirling in Daehyun's belly, warmth spreading from the center of his chest. He doesn't want to move, doesn't want to wake Yongguk up. He can't wipe the stupid smile off his face, happy and relieved to be where he is.

It's still scary, to think Yongguk had just overdosed on his own sleeping pills, no matter how accidental it was, but at least Daehyun understands more about it now. It feels good, that Yongguk trusts him with that information. He can't help but wonder how much Himchan knows. Or Sungwon. Probably all of it, he realizes. Which is probably a good thing. Yongguk needs a good support system.

Daehyun doesn't got a clock within his line of sight, and he doesn't want to risk stirring Yongguk by going for the phone in his pocket, so he can't tell for how long he sits there, Yongguk sleeping next to him. Tigger changes position on his bed at least seven times. The rain stops, one show ends on the TV and another begins. Yongguk slides just a little further down on the couch, their legs all tangled.

When Daehyun's phone suddenly vibrates against his thigh, he jerks out of a haze.

"Fuck," he says under his breath, glancing over to Yongguk as he digs his phone out. But Yongguk only shifts a little in place, eyes remaining closed. It's a text from one of his dorm mates, asking where he is. They had agreed to all clean the common area Sunday night. "Fuck," Daehyun whispers again, finally reading the time, and how many hours he's spent at Yongguk's.

Carefully, Daehyun untangles his and Yongguk's legs so he can get off the couch. Yongguk still doesn't wake up, just lets his leg fall without Daehyun's support. Daehyun stands frozen for a moment, watching Yongguk curl up on his side, facing the back of the couch. His shirt is so big, his spine poking up from under all the fabric. Tearing his eyes away, Daehyun tip-toes to the bathroom.

When he comes back out, Yongguk has turned around. First then does Daehyun notice how much darker it's gotten outside, Yongguk's face mostly lit up by the light from the TV now. Daehyun bites down on his bottom lip, hesitating for a moment, but decides he doesn't just want to leave without letting Yongguk know.

He crouches down next to Yongguk's head, reaching out to gently shake his shoulder.

"Yongguk," he whispers.

Yongguk blinks his eyes open, looking lost for a moment before his eyes focus on Daehyun in front of him. Daehyun smiles, not even sure if Yongguk can see his face. He thinks about withdrawing his hand, but doesn't.

"I'm sorry, I need to go."

"Didn't mean to sleep," Yongguk mutters, rubbing at his eyes.

"It's okay." Daehyun grins. "I guess we're even now."

Yongguk relaxes against the couch again, making no move to sit up. He smiles back.

"Hey," Daehyun says. "Eat something, yeah?"

"Yeah," Yongguk agrees, voice raspy from sleep. "I will."

Daehyun gently squeezes Yongguk's shoulder, letting his hand linger for just a moment longer before he lets go. He can't read the look in Yongguk's eyes in this light.

"See you later," he whispers, before quietly leaving the apartment.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos make me happy but comments are what keeps me going!


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